You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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