I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
