How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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