this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
