so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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