She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
