You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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