Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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