I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize