I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
