Sry I called you an 8
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
