I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
