if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
