Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
