He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
