Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
