your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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