found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
