my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize