well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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