yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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