i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize