If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
