I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize