No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
