I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize