Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
