just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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