doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
