I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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