This is not my ceiling
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
