i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
