the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
