just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
