We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
