It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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