Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
