She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
