he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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