I want to walk on stilts...naked
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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