very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
