Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
