i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
