He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize