Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
