i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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