Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
