You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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