Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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