Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
