Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
this hospital has no fireball
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
