Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
