Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
