Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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