can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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