I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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