he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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