I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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