I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
