Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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