FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
