my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
