No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
