Say something about gay babies.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
